Know how to handle the election season stress by keeping your cool in the political heat.
By Ann Kelley Ph.D
As the election season intensifies, many of us find ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster. We’re surrounded by polarizing rhetoric, and our social media feeds overflow with content that supports our beliefs and stokes fear of “the other side.” With our nervous systems overwhelmed, we want to turn to family and friends to make sense of it all. However, when someone you love differs from you on important issues or is ready to amplify your own fears, these conversations can be like navigating an emotional minefield. Family dinners turn into a heated debate where everyone’s suddenly an expert on everything.
Recently, one of my adult kids indicated they weren’t going to vote as a political statement. Before I knew it, I lost all semblance of the mindful things I know to do. My voice elevated and I began to attempt to argue some sense into him. Fortunately, I caught it and was able to pause, to remember to take a few breaths. The truth is, no matter our intentions or training, we’re all susceptible to emotional overwhelm. Understanding why we react so strongly to political discussions can help us navigate this chaos without losing our minds (or damaging our relationships).
Recent neuroscience research sheds light on why political disagreements feel so personal and emotionally charged. When we engage in political discussions, we’re not just exchanging ideas – we’re activating complex brain networks involved in helping us regulate emotions, form our identity, and manage a sense of threat. Our political beliefs are tangled up with our sense of self, so challenges to our views can feel like personal attacks. It’s like watching a scary movie where the villain is after you – our emotional centers go into overdrive, and the rational parts of our brain take a backseat. This neurological reaction explains why political disagreements feel so visceral and why it’s challenging to consider alternative perspectives objectively.
Brain science can also help us understand why it’s so tempting to surround ourselves with like-minded individuals. When someone agrees with us, our brain’s reward system lights up, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters. This keeps us seeking out people and news sources that will confirm our beliefs and biases. However, the more we avoid those that disagree with us, and seek out those that affirm us, the more we actually live in our more rigid, insecure and protective selves. This is not good for our health or our community.
The key lies in understanding our reactions and cultivating strategies to engage more mindfully. Here are some ideas to help navigate this political pressure cooker:
1. Embrace discomfort: This is core to building any emotional relationship. When we rush in to change others so that we feel more comfortable, we act out of fear, not connection. When challenged by differing views, sit with the discomfort it stirs. It’s like building a muscle – the more you practice staying engaged while uncomfortable, the easier it gets.
2. Find common ground: Beneath the political noise, most of us want similar things – safety, happiness, a better future. Before you saw that sign in your neighbors yard, you had no ill feelings. The sign does not reflect all of who they are or indicate they are plotting world domination. Remind yourself that their political beliefs aren’t all of who they are.
3. Practice active listening: We know it’s hard, but don’t just wait for your turn to talk! Actually, tune in – there is something to learn even if you continue to disagree on the topic. The more we actually understand one another, the more we can learn from and influence one another.
4. Prioritize self-care and set boundaries: Politics can be all-consuming. Take care of yourself. Nourish your emotional self. Don’t confuse distraction (scrolling on your phone) with taking a break. What actually recharges you? Ideas that soothe your nervous system include spending time near water (a bath and/or shower, a pool, walking into a light rain), engaging with something creative (right-brain refresh) and reading or watching something different than usual – something light and perhaps without a specific purpose.
5. Get nature therapy: Green spaces and wildlife have a remarkable impact on our mind, and help us feel safer and put things in perspective. Take a walk, notice the birds, tend to your plants – it all works well to help you unplug.
6. Use “I” statements: Instead of telling others “You’re wrong about healthcare,” or “Anyone who doesn’t believe _ is insane,” try “I’m concerned about healthcare because…” It’s less likely to put people on the defensive.
7. Stay open-minded: Considering new information and differing perspectives is a sign of security, not weakness. When you experience curiosity, your body considers that you are safe enough to turn down your threat system. Ask yourself, “What could I learn here?” You won’t lose yourself when you listen. The worst-case scenario is that you will get to know the person across from you much better, and it gives you a chance to reflect on how you come across as well.
8. Diversify your information diet: Challenge your brain’s preference for confirmatory information. Listen to various news channels and tap into complexity, likely much closer to most truths. If that’s hard, consider what feels so threatening to you (causing your resistance) to simply listen? Remember to embrace discomfort. Staying engaged while uncomfortable is difficult which is why, when you can do it, it’s a sign of inner security.
9. Focus on shared experiences: Related to finding common ground, activate your empathy when engaging with those who disagree with your opinion. You might find you have more in common than you think.
10. Practice the art of the pause: This is how to do the most essential thing mentioned above, learning to stay engaged while uncomfortable. Before responding to opposing views, take a deep breath. Allow your reasoning centers to re-engage before you act. This is truly a pro-move always.
11. Channel energy into action: A last science-based idea to help you during this time is to get active. Volunteer, protest, help a local campaign, attend community meetings or support causes you believe in.
Remember, we need each other. Behind every political opinion is a person with hopes and deep fears that motivate them. They have family and a favorite TV series, just like us. As we navigate this election season, let’s try to keep our hearts online, our minds functioning fully, and our relationships (even the difficult one’s) prioritized over “winning.” As we learn to relate more securely, we become better listeners, more engaged citizens, and masters of agreeing to disagree – after all, we need one another and our differences to grow.
So, take a deep breath, put on your emotional armor (but make sure it’s breathable) and dive into the political fray – armed with more understanding and patience. You’ve got this!
Ann Kelley is a co-host of Therapist Uncensored, a podcast that explores relational neuroscience and attachment science to help listeners.