In her final contribution to Austin Woman, Brown Girl in Recovery speaks about life after her sobriety journey.
By Brown Girl in Recovery, Photo courtesy of Brown Girl in Recovery
Hello, readers. I am Brown Girl in Recovery, sharing with you my seventh—and final—column about my experiences with alcoholism, mental health and, ultimately, sobriety.
Today, as I write this, I am seven years and 10 months sober. That’s how long I have been living an alcohol-free life. Because of it, I am able to have a family of my own, to work on goals and ideas. But I won’t sugarcoat this journey of mine. It has been difficult and unbearable at times, as my previous columns have shown. To put it simply, staying sober is hard work, just like anything else in life that is worth having, I suppose.
So, where am I today in my post-sobriety journey? I still listen to AA meetings on a regular basis. (Since Covid-19 and becoming a mom, I listen to them online via austinaa.org instead of attending in-person meetings.) My sponsor, who is now also a dear friend of mine, and I continue to work together and meet regularly. We’ve known each other through my entire sobriety journey—so wild and yet so needed. She has more than two decades of sobriety and helps keep things in perspective.
I got back on an antidepressant this summer. It was a tough decision for me to make. I felt so defeated by both the depression and the idea of having to get back on medication. I thought I had “conquered” depression, that I had “solved” it. Only if mental illness was that simple. It took several months, a lot of anguish, and reassurance from my doctor, therapist and sisters that it was for the best. I’ve got to say, it’s been a game changer for me again. It’s helped to lift me up and out of the fog of despair; I feel lighter, clearer and more hopeful.
Probably the biggest change since I got sober is that I have a family of my own now. It is something that I have always wanted. I got remarried in December 2018 to a wonderful man who supports me in so many ways. Just like any relationship, we have had our ups and downs, obstacles and challenges. Through it all, though, I have stayed sober, and that is key. We also have a beautiful 3-year-old boy and another little one on the way. The family I dreamed of having one day is happening for me now, and for that I am beyond grateful.
So, what’s next for me? Good question. Pre-sobriety, I used to be a big planner and a perfectionist. I had to let that go, though, because it didn’t serve me, and it weirdly fed my addiction. So now, I balance living in the present while trying to plan for the future. Currently, my focus is on my children, family and my mental health. I also work as a nonprofit consultant and hope to do more of that work in 2024. Beyond that, I am remaining open to opportunities and possibilities.
Thank you, dear readers, for allowing me to be vulnerable with you and share my healing journey. I hope by sharing with you since January of this year, I have been able to give you and other Brown women a space to reflect, perhaps nod along and feel less alone, and realize life is going to eventually be okay.